Signs of Addiction.

When you spend almost the whole day at the computer, and 90% of the time is spent on ianti.

When you start saving your RPs.

When you keep going back, even when you know no one’s there.

When you announce your in-game marriages to your real life friends.

When you keep refreshing every second in case there’s a new reply.

When all you talk about with your friend concerns ianti.

When you scour the broads searching for RPs to join.

When you forget to register for your first semester classes and can’t get into your first choice courses because you were too busy stalking the ianti boards.

When you want to scream and pull your hair out and kill someone and you actually scream silently at the computer screen and your heart constricts when you see other characters are being approved but not yours. (EDIT: This is bad, this is very, very bad. It’s 2:10 am and I’m still on and I’m watching You slowly, laboriously plowing through all the evaluations and I’m on page two where everyone’s topic except for a couple others have already been locked and moved and I want to PM You and ask her to please approve mine in time for the wedding but I’m scared that if I do she’ll get pissed off and ignore me for longer thus squashing all my hopes of approval and I actually feel physically sick right now like I want to puke but maybe that’s because I’m up at 2:15 am in the morning and I’m having a cough and I really, really feel sick, I feel really sick, I feel like I wanna cry but can’t UUUUUU~~~ *sobsobsobs*)

(EDIT 2: 1:20 am Am actually feeling better now. I saw ookami evaluating someone, obviously he has to be ninja-ing because I can’t see him on the member’s list below, and at the rate they’re going, why of course they’re going to get to Infinity, right? Right? *suddenly feels sick again T_T*)

(EDIT 3: 1.25 am You is Lucifer now and she’s going to post in Aiko’s cooking contest post instead of evaluating people I can’t think can’t think can’t think can’t think can’t think I feel sick Infinity’s in that thread too I went to see the Evaluation boards everyone’s being approved except me except me except me I want to die please let Lucifer notice that I’m still in the Newbies group and not approved please please please please)

(EDIT 4: 2.50 am It was the Lucifer/Aiko thread. So self-centered, me. Okay you can stop wallowing in self-pity now.)

{EDIT 5: 3:35 am [Makes note to self to STOP FUCKING EDITING] Finally got up the courage to tell Lucifer in a OOC post in the cafe RP. Turns out that some people called Denim and Icy are on my ‘case’ so she can’t interfere. What’s wrong with my character?!?! What the FUCKING SHIT is wrong with Infinity?! It doesn’t take a Legendary to figure out that Infinity’s a perfectly fine character. Jesus! [Has just realized that I have modified a common saying using ianti terminology. I. Am. So. Fucked. Up.]}

(EDIT 6: 4:05 am Am calm now. Now that I know the reason why everyone except Infinity’s getting approved, I guess I can deal with it better. *smiles*)

(EDIT 7: 5:30 am I will kill myself. I will kill myself kill myself kill myself. I posted Evangeline up for approval and she got approved and moved IMMEDIATELY by Lucifer. I will kill myself. I will kill myself. I swear I will kill myself. I will kill myself. WHY EVANGELINE AND WHY NOT INFINITY?! *screams* WHY?! WHY?! WHY?!?!?!?!? I hereby swear that I will not look at any of the approved RP topics until Infinity is approved. I swear. I will kill myself.)

(EDIT 8: 5:40 am Curses. Broke my oath. Will now go and strangle myself with Infinity’s orb whip. I want to die. I want to die. I want to die.)

(EDIT 9 5:50 am I just almost puked all over my keyboard. All the RP threads are FUCKING AWESOME. And Cyamour’s there and everything. I feel so sick thinking that Infinity is going to miss all this shit, stuck with the fucking Introduction RPs. I want to die. God I feel like I want to puke. So sick. This is so sick. The gods must hate me – or are extremely sadistic. I want to die. I want to die. I want to die. Omg I think I’m going to puke again *stumbles away to find a toilet*)

(EDIT 10 6:00 am Ugh just almost puked again at reading awesome Somnius post. Infinity’s not there not there not there not fucking there I feel sick. Ethereally, if you’re reading this, I think your posts are awesome and you shouldn’t be feeling any pressure because some people have short posts as well. The only reason why some of them were long were because they copied Danica’s letter from the first post. I think yours are the longest of all! Well excluding Danica but that doesn’t count cause she had to establish the universe so naturally it would take longer. I feel sick I want Infinity to be approved now now NOW *pukes again* I feel sick…. *gags*)

{EDIT 11 *wow* 6:25 am My dad’s up and thinks that I’ve just woken up earlier to go on the computer. Which is just what I need him to think. (Can’t have him knowing I started on the computer at 1am this morning yeah) Just realized that the near-puking and nausea and all and now I have a fucking headache yeah was – is – probably due to sleep deprivation, but there were definitely emotional triggers as well yay.}

When all you can think about are your RPs, even when you’re in the shower, even when you’re in the toilet, even when you’re eating, even when you’re in bed and trying to fall asleep.

When all the people you think about are your RP partners.

When you start constructing a timeline for your RPs.

When you start feeling life is meaningless because no one is replying to your RPs.

When you start feeling life is meaningless when your RPs are meaningless, and when you feel satisfied and fulfilled when you have meaningful RPs.

When you start rereading your own RPs like you’re rereading a favourite book or rewatching a favourite movie.

When you try to avoid to think about the fact that one of your RP partners is going to be gone, gone, gone for two whole months and you wonder how you will survive and you have to rationalize and say that you will just cut down on your RPing time and only check the boards a few times everyday.

When you start considering the time zones of your RP partners and consider changing your sleep wake cycle so you are up when they are up. When for the past few days you have been setting your alarm to and getting up at about 4.30 am because some of your RP partners are active then. When you consider asking your RP partner what time she goes online so you can adjust your sleep wake cycle to her online activity.

When you can make up a long list of signs showing your addiction to ianti and you actually go ahead and do it. Like this.

It’s actually the second last one I’m the most concerned about. The worst thing about this is that my sleep wake cycle is fluctuating – instead of getting up and sleeping at set times, I’m changing the times at which I sleep and get up. This will cause a few health problems similar to the symptoms of jet lag due to desynchronization of bodily rhythms. Hah… and I’m starting to get a bad phlegmy cough too damn. Ah well. Planning to sleep soon after I finish typing this so I can get up early in the morning – 3, 4 am? So I can check if people are replying to my RPs lol~ :D >.< If my parents ever see this blog, I am so dead.

EDIT: Am up editing this blog at 1:30 am because I tried to sleep at 9 something pm, failed, couldn’t sleep, and so got up again to check ianti.

….

I am so screwed.

… *realizes the list is the longest public blog post she has made*

I am so so screwed.

Unrelated problem: There’s been a tornado and flood in Iowa, the place I’m going to go to study in. FUCK.
(Will immediately return to Malaysia after finish studying BECAUSE I DON’T WANNA DIE IN AN EARTHQUAKE OR SOMETHING SHITTY LIKE THAT.)

EDIT: 2:25pm next day. I need to pull myself out of the computer. NOW. I feel like I’m sinking into a whirlpool of despair ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh *quickly shuts down computer and goes to eat breakfast. Yes. Breakfast at 2:30pm. Despite the fact I’ve been up since 1:30 am in the morning. Yes. I am now officially crazy. Bye -goes now-*

EDIT 2: Went back to the computer after showering because I was feeling better and yeah. Before that I was sinking into a river of despair because I felt my posts were meaningless. And because Abby hadn’t replied yet to some of our RPs. But barely seconds before I started typing this, I was jumping around the living room twirling around in the air and flinging my hair around happily humming “We’re getting married, we’re getting married ~” because in the shower I decided I wanted to get married NOW and when I went on to the computer Abby agreed and thus I feel so happy now because I’m in the process of typing out our wedding post. *shivers* I am so addicted. I experience withdrawal symptoms every time I even try not to think of anything ianti-related. Btw the way, Ethereally if you are reading this, Morrigan is invited. Nocturne, you’re invited as well. You hear? :D

EDIT 3: Ugh. Yellow pus is leaking out of my wound. That’s effing disgusting. *cleans wound with tissue*